Sunday, September 30, 2007

Wild Turkey Mixers - a review by HM

flat Pepsi max from last Thursday when we spent $47 on Pizza Hut - okay...

Ginger Ale from the front fridge at a local IGA - eh, not as good.

Decaf Diet Coke from the other night - actually not that bad.

With thanks to N&L who put me on to WT. It's nice!*

*Insert Borat voice.

And now Sacha Baron Cohen from Madagascar

Won't someone please think of the Misogynists?!

Ah Dr Peter Jensen, the arch whatever of the Anglican faith who believes women belong in the back making the tea instead of up the front, as irony would have it, in a dress preaching the faith.

Poor widdle Jensen recently lost his battle to keep his particular brand of Xtian back in the white picket fence 50's when the synod agreed that chicks could be Bishops with the best of them.

Kudos ladies.

See the SMH here.

This however is simply hilarious.

Dr Jensen called for supporters of women bishops to control their hubris: "It may be that the Australian church will have to look for some means of taking care of minority groups who are disenfranchised by this development. There is, of course, a model in the arrangements for disenfranchised minority groups within the Church of England.

"I am aware that the opinion of the tribunal will be cause for celebration and thanksgiving among many in the Anglican Church of Australia. I trust that in their understandable enthusiasm they will give consideration to the needs of those who find themselves still in opposition."

Ahahahahaha. What sort of tool is this man that he is asking people who stood up for rights of all people to be bishops not to gloat?

Area man kicked out of Idol viewing

I admit I hate Idol. It think it's the visual equiv of The Da Vinci Code, aka Rusty Bumwater. Our syd friend M is down tonight to see the baby/watch idol and, given it's a long weekend, we can drink (well, sort of, not to fubar levels given we have a baby).

Anyway I have been banished from the viewing for laughing a little too heartedly at the shitness that was before me. Especially the shaving ken try hard that kicked off the night with an acoustic version of Coldplay's yellow, that sounded like something from the arse end of the Tamworth Country Music festival.

Banned I was from the room. Sent here to stew in my creative juices for mockery of the crap that is Idol.

But, well, it's a fair call. Cause even if you know what you're watching is schlock you still don't want some tit making fun of it if you happen to enjoy it.

Hell, I like Sea Patrol, which could be argued is essentially McCloud's Daughters at Sea or something (as far as standard of realism is concerned).

So here's to Idol and those that watch it. Many happy returns.

Henderson takes logic for a test drive and returns it in an unsalable condition

Gerard Henderson, former non-declared Chief of Staff to Dear Leader, does not like lefties. Fair enough, I don't like his brand of neo-liberal 'rape the earth the ABC must die (even though I work for them), anything that is community in nature is communism in disguise' arse-dribble.

Henderson's Weekend appearance in the SMH 's effort is no exception.

Hendo takes Clive Hamilton to task for owning more than one book. You see Clive Hamilton wrote a book called affulenza which is about the western obsession to own stuff. To deny that the western world has an obsession with owning things is in my mind denying well reality and in that process at a forum Hamilton said of a fellow panel member that owning multiple pairs of shoes was probably an example of this materialistic fetish.

Hendo's response.

During the program, Doogue confessed to having something of a shoe fetish. Hamilton immediately sensed the ABC compere was significantly attached to her footwear and opined: "Having shoes is fine. Ah, having a large number of shoes and, ah, desperately needing to cultivate, you know, a sense of your self by your possession of shoes is a serious problem."

That's clear then. Hamilton does not believe anyone should own multiple pairs of shoes. But what about, say, multiple books or journals? If an obsession with shoes is a sign of untrammelled consumerism and materialism - what Hamilton depicts as affluenza - then an obsession with books and journals should also be a sign of untrammelled consumerism and materialism. And if it is wrong to possess more than, say, two pairs of shoes - then it must be wrong to produce more than two books. And yet Hamilton has written or edited five books in the past six years.

If Hamilton is genuinely against over-consumption, then his thesis should be just as applicable at Harvey Norman as at Gleebooks, the leftist luvvies' bookshop of choice in Glebe. But, alas, it isn't.

Wow. See what I mean. You can only benefit from a couple of pairs of shoes (I have one pair that's active and about 10 pairs of semi-deads). But you can absorb, learn, revel in, enjoy and think about the contents of many books. If you were a one book person chances are your an evangelical from the deep south and your book is the King James Bible.

Sure, it's a bit tongue in cheek with Hendo's likening to owning more than one book hypocritical if you point out that buying stuff for the sake of it or to make you feel better about yourself is a bad thing, but it's still a massive logic blowout that if it were mentioned to an android it's head would likely spin around then implode with the sheer moronic nature of said logic.

Gerard Henderson just when you can't appear more stupid you manage to outsell yourself. Kudos.

Suckered in by the corridor people

I don't know what it is about the micro stores that sit brooding in the centre of our mall hallways, but they always kind of have this pathetic air to them. Like the outreach booths at O'Week. Their staff stand waving samples and entice you in then start their patter whether you like it or not.

Today I got suckered in.

TheWife like moisturizer type things. The woman seemed to have a bowl of them. They seemed like free samples to me. So I went and asked to have one.

15 minutes later I managed to extricate myself and walk away after spending just $60 on a year's supply of nail buffer - I shit you not. I got it for theWife because I know she really likes that sort of stuff but even she was horrified by the expense.

And that was just tier one of the approach. They made me go through the entire build up to the uber product ($170 worth of moisturizer and Dead Sea Salt) and at each step I was saying 'no, just the nail thing thanks'. And when I tried to pay for it she pocketed my keycard and lead me around for the salt scrub demo (which was nice I will grant you). Then when repeated nos from me were proffered she tried giving me special deals on 'just the salt then'.

When I walked away, dazed, I realised that the sachets she had in the bowl as apparent samples were never even referenced to in the entire exchange.

Unbelievable. Stay away from the corridor people!

What did they expect

When the Howard government sold off my telecommunications company, the one that guaranteed the services I am untiled to under the constitution, it adopted a profit driven business perspective over that of a service delivery perspective.

The end result is now the Chairman is slagging off the government to its shareholders. See here.

Australia is a fucking continent. It is a continent that is sparesly settled. The vast bulk of people live within 50 kays of the coast in large interlinked cities. The interior as it gets further in fades in numbers of people.

The government in its wisdom put in regulations to ensure Telstra delivered minimal service standards to all Australians. You know, how we had it before they sold it.

Guess what? Telstra thinks its unprofitable.

Der. Der fucking Howard government. Well done for selling public infrastructure that enabled all Australians to have access to a minimal standard and replace it as a company instead who does its level best to screw over the unprofitable consumers. Because why wouldn't it? It's a company now. And companies don't like being forced to be charitable which is what the regulations do.

So who is to blame?

The Howard government. In their desperate lock step adherence to the 'free market is king' they managed to make it so telecommunications is less reliable and will likely cost lives in the long term, as well as leave rural Australia behind in the broadband stakes.

Congratulations. You have done well.

That's what can happen when you outsource public infrastructure. The public can no longer access it.

Area joke falls flat

(Me upon meeting people I have only known through the internet)

'Hey, nice to meet you. I should say at the outset people know where I am - ha ha.'

(cough ..... cough,cough)

Yay for the Grand Final Weekend (shakes pompoms)

Go the Cats! Well done to (insert victor here). You totally deserved it.

Like I give a shit. I am spending this weekend avoiding all forms of sport.

Ah enforced school sports participation. If there's anything designed to put people off team sports its making them do it.

Saturday, September 29, 2007


We've finally bitten the bullet and started looking for a house to buy. Which in Canberra is tough because the average price is about 330k. Needless to say were it not for parents and other windfalls we wouldn't be near being able to get a deposit.

Today we found a couple of places we liked. Except for the one that's available now the 'asking price' was obviously not going to be the sale price. And this place didn't even offer a range like the more honest house descriptions do (eg 315-345k instead of a set price). At least the agent admitted multiple people wanted to put in for it (like us). Guess we will find out. Not holding my breath though. Seriously doubt we will win the bidding war.

Sigh. Stoopid house buying. It's such an utter time sink. All this effort looking at places.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Himbo makes an uh-oh

Now I shouldn't talk since I make my fair share of typos. But well of the two things he wrote, both had mistakes in them.

Mr only-doing-this-until-that-Home-and-Away-gig-comes-up was in charge of labeling today's muffins.

Alas Pineapple was spelled Pineappel. And Poppyseed as Poppysead.

However the amazing E pointed out to me that in the case of the former, maybe said Himbo was trying to make it sound exotically French or something.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Don't you hate it when ... (III)

You start making fun of your in-law's poorly written email and, as you do so, your pants fall down.

Stupid Harry High. Once it crosses the event horizon down it goes. And my hands were full so I couldn't pull them up in time.

All day meetings suck my hairy anus

Fortunately all day meetings are rare for me. Maybe 1-2 a year. This was my 2nd such one.

It didn't start well. I got fucked in drive-thru by McDonalds with one of their festy sausage McCraps instead of a delish B&E (only noticed when the wrapper came off). And when I tried to eat the Hash brown it danced out of my grasp and ended up in the back footwell of my car. I still ate it - the hash brown, not the footwell.
Then into the meeting I went.

I had arrived late - and couldn't use my laptop initially as there were no spare powerboards. Fortunately Flowbee and Solitaire were not present but 'is she blind or not?' lady was.

We spent fully 30 minutes discussing the semantic differences between optimum versus optimal in the header of one of the report chapters. Seriously, 30 minutes. Though as a report writer myself I actually agreed it should have been optimal. It still sucks we spent so long talking about it. Then the rest of the day was spent painfully going through line items and getting people's views on them.

Arrrrrh stab me now with a rusty pen.

Finally, finally the end came. I packed up, hoisted the laptop bag on my shoulder and .. the fucking laptop fell out because I hadn't fucking zippered the fucking bag shut. It bounced off the table and landed with a bang on the ground. In front of everyone.

Said meeting was performed on practically no sleep so I kept having to make three-spoon coffees just to stop from literally falling asleep at the table. At one point I micro slept for about 10 seconds. Luckily I didn't wake up to be facing an oncoming Dr Karl in his clock shirt or something.
Least it ended early.

All day meetings. They suck arse and accomplish little. Basically a massive utter waste of time for me. However as for the other people
they did need to be there and it was important to them.

sn't there some management guide out that says meetings that go for more than 15 minutes are dead time or something? We should all adhere to that. I think in the public service meetings are often pointless busy work exercises where people are justifying their existence or something.

On a side note Noonoo actually smiled at me today. Here's one theWife prepared earlier. Look at that puddum!


The Leatherman from the village people

Ivan Milat

Ear Worms!

Damn you MB

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Oh dear

I cannot see how theChaser lads are not going to get rapped for their Downer joke tonight. It was way, way, way gross.

Hysterical parenting

We had our first over the top reaction last night RE theBoy. I mentioned he doesn't really look at me, or that he looks away. TheWife got concerned and started reading her books. She was worried he was vision impaired. I was worried. Then somehow we were convinced he was in fact blind. When he woke up we found ourselves repeatedly jabbing a series of different shaped objects at his eyeballs in an effort to make him flinch. He did not flinch. Cue tears and worry. We ended up calling Health First, which is a 24 hour nursing hotline in the ACT with our concerns. The nurse rightly said 'um ... is he tired, cause he won't react to shit if he is. Try in the morning.' Which was totally true. We'd practically shaken him awake so we could thrust things at him (I think I may have lightly scraped his cornea with a teddy nose at one point). Then theWife talked to a recent mum friend of hers who managed to convince her that it was highly unlikely. Especially given the numerous examples that we managed to forget of him actually looking at us.

I know. Incredible. That's being a new parent for you. A big thanks to NewMum for talking us down from the panic that had set in, esp since we were convinced we would become special ed parents that had to go to special schools and be involved in guidedog financing and end up being defined by our child's disability.

Of which he has none that we know of.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Don't you hate it when ... (II)

.. your underpants fall down inside your outerpants. How does that even happen?!

Yep, it's tuff

Parents we know had been telling us even before we had theBoy just how fucked it was going to be at some points. And it is fucked at some points. It's especially fucked when he screams and screams and screams and there is nothing that seems to placate him. Likely it's trapped wind that's working itself through. But knowing that doesn't help when this milky bub is bellowing at full volume in pain.

Hate that so fucking much.

And kudos to theWife who deals with 99% of those unhappy events. Her patience and understanding and ability to endure these high pitched screams is amazing.

My patience is limited. And already on more than one occasion I've snarled 'shut the fuck up, please shut the fuck up.' Which of course he doesn't understand. All he knows is that his little tummo is causing him grief and when he's sad he let's us know about it.

Oh dear lord.

The insomnia is pretty bad too. TheWife is doing all the feeds now, and getting up at night even though I am off work to help (thank you parenting leave). Except I can't sleep. I'm wide awake, blinking in the dark, then wriggling around with the itches annoying said theWife.

Poor little guy. His dad's not really coping with it all. And he, being me, is only doing 1% of the work.

That's so moronic. I really have no right to complain at all.

I just wish I could kiss him on the forehead or rub his back or tum and magically the thing that's making him scream and scream was gone.

Kudos to parents of multiple kids. I cannot for the life of me see how you went 'yep, let's have another one.'


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Saturday, September 22, 2007

More Will Ferrell Goodness

Don't you hate it when...

TheWife has a heavily preggo friend over for morning tea and you're in the shower when she arrived so you didn't know she was there when you walked out and headed towards the room where your clothes are kept?

Yeah I really hate. Fortunately I had the towel in chest polish mode which meant its draped folds protected my front nethers.

Still. Embarrassment.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Adios KB

Kim Beazley is a fundamentally decent man. He may not be everyone's cup of tea but he was a good minister and regarded by the public service as one of the best. I for one will miss him from parliament.

I wish him luck in his post political life.


I will go on record as saying I do not dislike Costello. I don't. I think he's a decent man in a party that's fundamentally less decent. I think if in charge he would likely drag the party back from the hard right where it has drifted to somewhere a bit more palatable. Sure he's done the odd righty muttering here and there but by and large he's not an a-hole, even if he belongs to a party jammed with more a-holes than a typical whites only frat house.

But his song and dance over Kevin Rudd getting the tax threshold wrong is nothing sort of desperate straw grabbing.

'Weeeeeeeeeee Rudd doesn't know when the mid 100k threshold kicks in. Ergo he's unfit to run the government.'

See Harcher's account of it here, where the journo points out that earlier that day Costello was out by a whopping 4.5 billion in totaling his tax cuts.

Of course like with the whole wanky manifest 'if you met with the former WA premier you are skin cancer' Costello tried earlier (which cost the ministry of one of his colleagues), he's now raised the bar very high indeed. Stay tuned for Sale/Temptation style door stop quizzes as journo's gleefully try and trip up pollies on figures they need to know to prove that you're the right people for the job - like price of milk, bread (I wouldn't know I just pay it), tax rates, and other economic minutia. Nice one Costello.

See Annabel Crabb's excellent take on the whole sorry mess here.

F/ckwit Liberal Attack Strategy

If the ALP win government they will have been out of government for around 11 years.

The Liberals have been in government (with minor Lickspittle assist from the Nats) for that time. In that time in government they have done their absolute best to obscure the workings of their time in government. Adios Senate investigations, goodbye Freedom of Speech. Where anything that is not vital to national security or commercial sensibilities should be on the web for all to see, barely anything is there. Witness for example their persecutions of whistleblowers for leaking shitty policy yet their complete inability to discover who slipped Andrew Bolt that Top Secret ONA memo that he quoted in his shit stain of a paper.

The ALP have announced that when they get into power, if they do, they will be conducting various reviews, inquiries and commissions to A) understand what the fuck the Libs have done and B) work out exactly how to fix it. Why? Because of the sheer dearth of information available for them to make informed policy judgments prior to kickstarting the machinery of state.

And the '83 St Albans High School Debate Tactics in Question Time by the Libs?

Attack the ALP for saying they will have reviews. 'Weeeeeee,' they cry. 'Look how many reviews they have. We just govern with no need for reviews. Weeeeee.'

Yes, no need for reviews.

Haven't they done well.

I particularly love how their departments deported sick Australian citizens or locked them up, how their political operatives distorted public service advice over Children Overboard, how AWB happened, how the 10 billion dollar Murry-Darling plan never went near the public service for feasibility, how they didn't sign Kyoto even though all of those in the executive government said they should, how they committed us to the Iraq war before the UN investigation was concluded, and so forth and so on.

So ALP, stand by your reviews. Tell Australia why you need to have them. Tell them how this government made their government Opaque and unresponsive to oversight. Tell them how this government made purely political decisions in order not to advance the needs of the Australian people but to advance their tenure in office. Regional partnerships pork barreling anyone?

Sure the ALP can announce things and the general thrust of what they will do, but to imply they will find out what needs to be done and how to fix it is somehow an indicator of lacking the ability to govern is simply moronic.

But then the Libs have managed to win so many elections by naked over the top devoid of logic fear mongering stupidity perhaps their attacks do make sense. To another plate swallowing bird who was blind and hadn't had it in months.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The speaker is terwiffic!

"The speaker of the federal parliament is a golden god. No he is not breathtakingly partisan for having booted 175 Labor people in the past three years (and none of ours). Nor is he partisan for booting or censuring labor people for saying the exact same thing as we did but where we didn't get censored. Anyway, the ALP run ALL the other parliaments and they're total rotters. I hear they do it with pigs or something. The speaker is magnificent and so, so much better than those nasty ALP bullies that ran the place over an entire decade ago. Isn't it terwiffic that we can point to something that happened 10 years ago when the other side ran things, even though less than 20% of them are still left in the current parliament."

Holy Christ. He's on Lateline now trying to feebly once more defend crappy government. Now Downer is wanking on about 'ALP stunts' and how 'Australians are too smart and demand substance.'

Really? Child overboard, AWB, we decide who comes here and so on and son on.

Let's hope the public continue to see through your fear engendering anti rational devoid of logic rambling then.

Oh - UNION BOSSES made a showing again. What are these people? The St Albans High Debating Team of '83? Say it long and hard enough and people will be scared.


Now he's wanking on about how it's important potential PM's are under scrutiny. Oh - and how Rudd didn't mention some moral thing in his Bush meeting. What the? It makes no sense at all.

But wait this is Downer.

Ooooo Paul Keating had a foul mouth and was a bully when he was in parliament. But Abbott and Costello who adopted his style almost down to the fucking suits he wore are clean good living gentle people.

Why am I watching this?

'We need to scrutinize Rudd! Stupid media are in love with the idea of someone being a genuine threat to him! Boooooo Media, booo (unless Murdoch media when they are slagging him off)'.

Now he's trying to wank on more about Rudd making a minor mistake on tax thresholds. 'SEE RUDD IS AN EVIL PRETENDER FOR NOT KNOWING THE TAX RATES BY LETTER!'

And so forth. I wonder if he realizes he does more damage to himself appearing in interviews like this than helping? Probably not.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

More police goodness - a yank attack

Ah the Police. When given non lethal means to take down a perp they tend then use those non lethal means when reason or simple grappling can help. Or indeed to shut someone up.

Like here - where a student got tasered after some over officious cops decided enough was enough and they'd remove from a forum where Senator Kerry was speaking. To Kerry's credit he had nothing to do with it, tried to calm matters, and even offered to answer the questions asked.

See here.

The cops had the guy on the ground, threatened to taser him, then did so apparently because he wouldn't be quiet.

S11 has done far more damage to western society through over empowered law enforcement deciding they are above the people they serve and fucking protect than any gaunt cave dwelling uber terror chief could ever do. But then when fighting a guerrilla war one of the tick that box methods is to encourage security forces to massively over-react thus engendering either popular support for the movement or negative views of the oppressing authority.

Fuck I hate this shit. I hope these fuckwits get fucking sacked.

Here's the youtube that the SMH linked to

And here's the Holy Grail scene where King Arthur beats up a peasant. Funny but with unfortunate similarities.

Noo Noo likes his bath time

He squeals with a 'NOOOO!' before he gets in, but once he's in he's all wide-eyed passive.

The only thing is that when he's in there, he fully does the Burns fingers.


Monday, September 17, 2007

Poop cleaning

My brother said that when it's your own baby the cleaning of the poop really wasn't that big a deal. And he's right for the most part. It was a little odd at first but like many things you get used to it. TheBoy's breastmilk fed so his poop's don't smell weird anyway, and by and large it's easy to clean up.

Unless that is the fucking shit gets on his balls. Yes, the scrotum. It's weird looking and hampers lads in the bedroom during lady/sexual orientation fun because of its hilarity. The brain like nature of the scrotal pouch with its many crevices is an ideal trap point for poop. And you have to be really careful about how you clean it off because well it's balls. And any movement at that station has to be oh so gentle. Honestly, this crap is like fucking grass burrs in your socks the way it sticks in. You almost have to pinch it to remove it.

Again another factoid left out of the manual of 'Here's your baby'.

Howard Vs Red Kezzer, 730 report

Where Howard explains why he didn't take WorkChoices to the 2004 election - see transcript here.

KERRY O'BRIEN: I noticed you said in an interview this morning that the Government had its blemishes, the Government has made its mistakes and now you've said it again tonight. And I'm wondering whether this is a part of the strategy in response of what your polling's telling you.

JOHN HOWARD: Well, Kerry, self evidently we've made mistakes. I'd never be so bumptious and full of myself to pretend we haven't made mistakes. I think we created a situation where some people were uneasy about aspects of the WorkChoices legislation and that's why we bought in the fairness test. I believe very strongly that the WorkChoices legislation is good, but I think it did unnerve some people and we didn't want that to happen and that is why we bought in the fairness test. Now…

KERRY O'BRIEN: Is it true that some of your senior colleagues in cabinet argued with you at the time when you were contemplating WorkChoices that it wasn't necessary to go as far as you wanted to go, that you might be going too far with your workplace reforms?

JOHN HOWARD: No, no, I read that, that was in the biography, but that's not right. There…

KERRY O'BRIEN: There was no dissent, no worry, no concern expressed?

JOHN HOWARD: Look, people realised it was a big change but people believed in it. If you go through the speeches over the years of people like the Treasurer and others, they believe very strongly in IR reform, and IR reform has been good. Look at the jobs that have been created.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Then why do people still react against it?

JOHN HOWARD: Well - it's change. And change is difficult. Change can be unnerving. I understand that, and that's why we bought in the fairness test.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Do you think it was also partly that you didn't tell people before the last election that you were going to introduce it?

JOHN HOWARD: No, I don't, Kerry, because people have known for a long time that I believe very strongly in IR reforms. And look, the dividends are huge and it'll be a tragedy if that reform gets wound back. I mean, it will deny us the opportunity of being a full employment economy over the next few years. I mean, we have for the first time in a generation the opportunity of being a full employment economy, and you won't get that if you roll back the unfair dismissal changes.

Doesn't he honestly think that people don't have the shits with his WorkChoices legislation and one of the main reasons was because he didn't take it to the election? Please.

More Union Boss Horror Inflicted on World

Canberra, ACT; The Liberal government (with incidental assistance from the "National" party) has ramped up its attacks on likely incoming Labor government by continuing to hark and haw about the alleged malfeasance of Union bosses within the Labor movement.

'I heard that the last Tasmanian tiger was raped to death by a union boss,' said saintly toff Alexander Downer. 'In front of children at the zoo. Then he had the audacity to call a wildcat strike because he broke its back trapping his penis and therefore ordered down tools because of a safety breech ... that he caused!'

Tony Abbott also joined in. 'Apparently Portuguese police found Union Boss DNA in the boot of that car owned by the parents whose child went missing. Also the child's name Madeline, means 'sacrifice in the name of the workers so that they gain control of all means of production' or some such. True story. I heard it from a nurse that was on duty.'

The Prime Minister too continued his insistence that any front bencher of the Opposition having ties to the union, be it as a party official, organiser, or plain rank and file member meant that they would immediately blow the entire union movement right in the great hall at parliament house if they managed to win the oncoming election.

'And the semen will be red as the flag of their fallen communist masters,' thundered the PM.

Also, to fit in as much Union bashing as possible, the PM's future interviews with Kerry O'Brien on the 730 report will feature the PM holding cue cards with various claims about the union movement and their ties to a political party set up, funded, and supported by unions for the express purpose of defending the workers, much in the same manner as the famous Bob Dylan film clip - a musician whose musical stylings are greatly admired by the Prime Minister though the lyrics he doesn't really listen to.

'It's all about the vibe,' said the Prime Minister.

The PM rejected the fact that an almost identical representation on his front bench as being former lawyers and corporate high fliers was relevant and the fact he didn't tell the Australian people what he was planning with WorkChoices before the 2004 election was really the public's fault since they clearly knew where he stood and it was obvious he would fuck workers had he got the Senate. I mean, seriously, what were they thinking?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Give it up Belconnen Red Rooster

Ah Red Rooster, my favourite of all drive thru death factories. Red Rooster is a BBQ chicken franchise whose chicken is actually not that bad fat wise (I think Choice said it was the least horrid), and their freedom fries ... well ... they're fuck off amazing.

Anyway, the Belconnen Red Rooster lives in the fast food strip on the shores of the artificial lake in the north of Canberra. It is sandwiched between a Hungry Jacks (local version of Burger King), and some dodgy Chinese/Chicken place.

Every few weeks or so someone kills the S in the Red Rooster sign on the roof. The franchise then fixes it. It then gets killed again.

So give it up Red Rooter. You know it's just going to keep on happening. And, more importantly, it amuses people as they drive past.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I am not making this up

Outside, just then, a bird managed to sing the exact opening riff to Carl Douglas' Kung-fu fighting.

And here's Douglas on 70's Danish TV doing his bit.

Did my Chiro call me a c... ?

My back's been rickety for a couple of weeks and I had my 2nd appointment with the chiro yesterday.

Anyway, on the way out, he cheerily said 'See you next Tuesday!'

I wonder if it's because I farted on him when he was manipulating me ... ?

An HM Salute - Edhi

I was reading about him in an article in National Geographic.

What an incredible man.

See the biog at his org's website here.

After partition of India and Pakistan Edhi, concerned at bodies being left in the street, got an old van and went and claimed them, burying them with dignity. He then offered free medical care. Now thousands of volunteers assist anyone and everyone regardless of faith with medical care and funeral assistance, and provide a drop off point for unwanted babies.

I wish there were more people like him. I really wish people like him weren't needed.

Monday, September 10, 2007

No Noo Noo No!

Noo Noo has trouble sleeping. He's now a month old, and we think he's already trying to smile. He's also a bit of a handful and likes to cause a ruckus. Getting him to sleep is a challenge.

We needed something to stick in his cot that was SIDS acceptable so TheWife selected a postcard that's been leaning on my workstation for a while.

It worked a treat! Doesn't always work but it gives NN something to focus on as he drifts off.

Then what is this Postcard? What intrigues the Noo Noo so much that's he's relatively happy to gaze upon it?

Crap, it's rappin' Ronny Reagan!

Thanks for nuthin' Techno

Who would have thought?

Last night I committed IBS sepuku. Gee'ed up by pleasant company and having the burning numbness of rum in me, I decided 'yes, let's get corner store pizza and chips for dinner'.

I'm not sure how it is in other parts of the world but the Oz corner store Pizza is not a Pizza in the traditional sense. It's a Pizza that's gone through to the other side. If Pizza Hut pizza was tract housing the corner store Pizza is a harbour/lake side mansion. Fully an inch thick in the middle it is not, repeat not, friendly on the guts of those with fat intake issues.

Started firing towards the end of the night, bit uncomfortable during the early morning. Now, searing agony. Have to take pain pills and head back to bed.

Was it worth it? Well, yes. It was delish. Totally loved every mouthful. But, in the words of a wise man-woman, less of the myrrh next time. I honestly think the fatty corner store chips laden with chickensalt was the icing on the IBS cake on this one.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Thank god ... the ... police

This just in from the smh, this "man" got done for 22 hours in plod house for jaywalking, for daring to sully a road under the watchful auspices of APEC.

Lucky the cops were there to spring into action, with four brave, dare I say heroic law enforcers efficiently well, er, effectively preventing this non crossing the road at the lights malcontent from foisting his evil on APEC and those that dwell within it.

Brave men and women of the NSW police service, I salute you. Too often your fine work, such as in this case, goes unheaded.

And an especial apology from me to the snipers during APEC who weren't allowed to take out Chaz from the Chaser. Next time lads, next time.

Oh, quote of the conference to Tom Allard of the SMH - writing here.

If The Chaser's stunt was humiliating for police, the comments yesterday by the new NSW Police Commissioner, Andrew Scipione, were just as embarrassing. Scipione suggested the comedians were fortunate not to have been shot by snipers.

If police snipers are trained to pick off people without warnings, then they seriously need to review their rules of engagement.

Maybe it's because Scipione's from the dark side of the law where he'd been responsible for the sneak and peak buggers of the Sydney plods? It might help explain his laissez-faire attitude to use and applicability of police powers Vs civil interest.

Fuck I hate the Laura Norder mentality.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Thanks Canberra Airport

I was on pick up patrol for an inbound family member last night. There I was sitting in arrivals reading my Harry Potter (half blood prince) when suddenly a siren went off.

The siren was the exact same tone as the 'get the fuck out' alarm at my building. I leaped to my feet and immediately started for the exit assuming it was a fire, or a bag they were about to explode or something along those lines.

Then the bag conveyor started up.

Yes, that's right. The 'attention members of the public, your bags are here' alert tone is identical to the 'holy mother fucking shit - GET OUT! GET OUT!' tone for my PS building.

I would hazard that said tone is probably universal across the ACT, and we're a very public service town (something like 55% of us are PS'es).

Needless to say, this is probably something they should look at.

Friday, September 07, 2007

He's at it again!

Fishnets had a 'wah wah' against Rudd for the Opposition leader's effrontery at speaking Mandarin.

From the smh.

Foreign Minister Alexander Downer has taken a swipe at the opposition leader for flaunting his Mandarin language skills during the APEC summit.

Mr Rudd has impressed China's President Hu Jintao with his grasp of the language, talking to him in Mandarin during a 30-minute meeting this morning.

There were gasps of surprise and numerous compliments by overseas media yesterday when Mr Rudd used the language to welcome Mr Hu to Sydney during a luncheon hosted by Prime Minister John Howard.

Today, Mr Hu complimented Mr Rudd on his fluency and thanked him for his commitment to developing the Australia-China relationship.

Asked if he was impressed by Mr Rudd's language skills, Mr Downer, a French speaker, said he was not one to flaunt his talent with foreign tongues.

"Remember I am the foreign minister so whether I can speak French or not seems to be reasonably immaterial.

"It's not something that I can speak French that I have paraded in all of my years in politics, though it's been quite useful to me as the foreign minister from time to time.

"I know dozens and dozens of people who speak a lot of languages, they don't just speak Mandarin, but other languages as well."

Both Mr Downer and Mr Rudd, who used to be Labor's foreign affairs spokesman, are products of the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade.

Mr Downer said learning languages were part of the DFAT training.

"If you go and join the foreign service and you do a language course, you are obviously going to learn a language," he said.

"I did the French language course and Mr Rudd did the Chinese language course. I did mine in two months and he did his in two years, that could say something about him and me or something about the two languages. I think the former but that sounds a tad partisan."

Mr Downer continued to stress that Mr Rudd had met world leaders, Mr Hu and US President George W Bush, this week as part of normal diplomacy.

Unbelievable. How can this man, if indeed he is a man, even function day to day let alone as our Foreign Minister. But considering the Liberal Party Voice, better known as The Australian, called for his sacking over AWB, I think it says alot about his competence and standing.

Liberals hoisted by their own petard

Back in Nov 2005 I attended the anti WorkChoices rally. I did so in my own time - using rec leave for the purpose. But not without a struggle. For you see my public service organisation the day before advised us PS's that we could not use any of ourofficial leave - even if already approved - for that purpose.

At the time I challenged this ruling internally and discovered my org had likely seen the legal writing on the wall and backed down. Did they tell everyone? No, they did not. See here.

So where then did this instruction to blanket ban staff from exercising their legal right to freedom of association come from?

Kevin Andrew's office.

Andrews does not like freedom. He didn't like it in Haneef with his effrontery in seeking and being granted bail, he hated it as work choices minister. And he hated the idea of the sick and pain ridden choosing to legally end their lives (Andrews was the character who used Federal powers to override the NT euthanasia legislation).

Turns out old Andrews broke his own fucking laws*.

How is the Minister still a fucking Minister?

Oh wait, that's right. He's a Liberal. They're above the law.

*Note: According to the article it was senior managers in his department who made the decision. So the all important 'it wasn't me', or 'I wasn't told' etc has been nicely loaded up for when inquiries are made into his activities when the ALP wins the election.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

More Arrested Development Goodness

That beastly Rudd is such a toad

"Ha, did you see it. That rotter Rudd wanted so much to talk with Bally George Georgeness of the X11 of the Greatest School in the world and he only managed to get 10 minutes with him! Rotter Rudd was preening about how much he was going to tell George what he thought and just 10 minutes to do it! Far be it from me to point out it was a short meeting. That would be churlish to try and link substance of issues discussed with time taken to discuss them. Did you see Rotter Rudd trying to greet the visiting French boy in French? Beastly show off. Just because he had top marks."

(Downer at a press conference had a bit of a chortle at reports Rudd just had 10 minutes with Bush. Actually according to SBS news it turned out to be 45 minutes. Then they showed footage of Rudd speaking Mandarin in his greeting to the Chinese premier, who clapped delightedly. Guess who didn't. Rummint in Canberra has it that back in 96 Rudd considered attempting to rejoin DFAT. But Downer let it be known Rudd had no chance. I wonder if fishnets is regretting that choice...?)

Let's get those Chaser boys

Seriously deficient in the humour department NSW plods have charged the Chaser lads after they got through a checkpoint with a Canadian Bin Laden.

Fucking hell the NSW police have got their hand on it.

Adios Big Man

Can't say I saw him longer than the 30 seconds he took to do that Aria finale, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Let's hope it's all you can eat in heaven.

Addio Luciano.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Mikey hates hot firemen calendars

Look I do get the Hot Fireman angle. I do. It's the girl likes boys equiv of French Maids or those bum titty bum bum postcards on sale at the Coffs Harbour Newsagency in the 80's where I spent much of the holidays free reading their D&D and comics stuff until I got kicked out.

It still shits me. Inkling has one such thing on her toilet door. Again, her prerogative. I can see why she likes them. Muscled; save people. That simple. I do have to look away whilst performing a seated buttock push however.

What I suppose especially annoys me is these fucktards are all posing in incredibly OH&S unfriendly conditions - lacking shirts, appropriate safety gear like fucking helmets or gloves when using ropes, posing with arced up biceps, and generally grinning like a pack of arse-hats. It's like they're hot cops or something. When they turn up to a fire one of them probably has a job where they hold up a boom box so they can stylishly douse all whilst their hot gleaming hairless bodies are silhouetted by the searing sex flames. Bet most of them have fig sized shriveled testes from the massive amounts of roids they consume - in fricking handfuls like my like guzzling my morning metamucil to make my stools firm and easy to pass.

Do they make me feel inadequate?

Yes. Yes, they do.

Speaking of Hot Cops!

On a side note Cassmalo and I coined a new term for the youthful overly attractive graduates our organisation seems to recruit. Calendar worthy! And if someone is merely pretty they're Charity Calendar worthy - you know the locals stripping to save their salvo hall in their micro town or something.

I by the way, so not Calendar worthy. Unless it was some sort of Michael Moore lookalikes effort.

Mikey is pwned

With thanks to some fuckwit at Mr L's blog - see comments here.

First of all Mikey, can I suggest one thing? Refer to yourself by some other derivation of Michael because calling people stupid while walking around as "Mikey" is about as dumb as it comes. We're not your mother calling you to come inside and wash your hands from playing in the dirt you dumb twat. You're an adult; so call yourself by an adult name.... Or is it because lefties never want to grow up?

Wow. I have never ever been so pwned. Nor could I ever be again. Kudos.

"I'm not going to eat them all!"

TheWife, with a bowl of four giant navel oranges.

Two minutes later nothing but peel.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Yank facts

According to this week's Time magazine stat shot the US has around 90 guns per 100 people, the most gun saturated place on the planet (and of the 8 million guns produced worldwide this year the US population will purchase 4.5 million of them).

The next most gun saturated place is India, at 4 guns per 100 people.

God bless America

Jack Chick - another unchristian christian

Almost every Christian I know is a decent, honourable person, whose faith empowers them to help others in their daily lives and basically trying to live Christ's message of do good be just by example.

Then you have f/tards like Jack Chick.

Chick is a Christian cartoonist that must have been taking some sort of psychotropic cactus derivative ever since he picked up a pen. See the wiki on his cartoons here.

They are massively distorted encounters of innocents with evil with helpful biblical passages to restore that innocent to the true path. The Dark Dungeons one is particularly hilarious, but this one made me laugh muchly - see here.

It's about Noah and how scientific proof now proves the great flood, the publication relying in part on the views of convicted embezzler Kent Hovid.

This is my absolute favourite panel in the toon.


Update: Actually the last two panels are equally awesome. Such a tough choice - belief in a scientifically acceptable hypothesis or eternal damnation! Geez the angry science girl in this strip caved pretty easily. She'd be putty in the hands of one of those 'have you got five minutes for a quick survey that will indicate you are mentally damaged and only we can help you' scientologist clipboard people.

Dynasty Cat Fight

Dubbed in German which makes it even funnier. Skip past the first minute.

Poor old Uncle Mainstream can't catch a break

Now distillations of his core supporters, effluent seeking battlers, are having at him (with thanks to Crikey for the link)

Monday, September 03, 2007

Generational differences

Recently exposed to some older Ozzers I couldn't help but think how Political Correctness is a good thing. Sure, using PC to shut down debates about race and society etc is bad, but using it to make it so bigots can't froth their crap out in public is good. It's also especially good to point out how using racism or bigotry immediately undercuts pretty much any argument they make since bigotry's foundation is in ignorance or preconceived notion.

No longer is being casually racist acceptable in normal Oz culture. Sure people may think it, but if they feel ashamed to express their views then all I can think is good. Of course some aren't ashamed to express those views.

Eg use of gins and slopes to describe Aboriginals and Asians. When I recently heard it I should have said something, but I didn't. Because I didn't want it to be uncomfortable. But I should have done. And I think if I am with my son and he's old enough to understand then I will owe it to him to say something and to know that describing another human by the negative connotations of their racial makeup is both ignorant and immoral.

Freakonomics, which is a must read if you have not yet, had an excellent chapter on how an enterprising anti racist named Stetson Kennedy helped make the KKK look like a complete collection of inbred yokel fucktards - by providing the writers of the Superman show with various Klan Kode Words and secrets etc that the writers then wrote into the show with SM giving them some chin music. Apparently seeing kids running around playing SM with the baddies dressed in bed sheets parroting dodgy Klan lingo caused a slump in the recruitment drive.

Anyway Stetson Kennedy coined the term Frown Power, which was a campaign to have people pointedly frown when they heard bigotry. Next time it happens I think I will try that with a combo of head shake that you give someone when they do a stupid car manuever in front of you.

Unchristian bigot to stand once more for parliament

Christ was the great accepter. Didn't matter who you were. Prostitute, leper, tax collector, he would welcome you. Sure he pushed the 'I am the way the truth and the light' message, indicating that other religions were a tad incorrect, but by and large Christ was not a bigot.

Which is ironic considering how many hearth rug chewing proto fascist bigots apparently preach in his name.

Like the Nileses of Sydney. Fred Nile may be one of Australia's more publicly intolerant people. And his Festival of Light compadre and right hand person I guess is his wife, who has announced she is standing for the Senate.

See here.

Her platform? Limiting Muslim Immigration. She's no 2 on the ticket. No 1 is some tool called Paul Green, who the SMH quoted as saying that
Federal Parliament needs someone with a "Christian world view" and espouses his party's policy that there should be a 10-year moratorium on Muslim immigration, because it is "a religious-political ideology not compatible with democracy".

You know what? He's right. A religious-political ideology isn't compatible with democracy. You know how they interfere with the private lives of people, and one one set of laws for the decent types, and another set for the not so decent and so forth. It's funny then that they are theologians of the Assembly of God and they are standing for parliament, promoting a religious-political ideology that is hardly democratic - such as trying to ban immigration by people whose celestial teapot is of a different hue and shape to theirs.

It's not often you see a righty fucktard shoot himself so spectacularly in the foot the moment they open their mouths. But it is a joy to behold.

Left: Pictures of Elaine Nile were unavailable. He's an artist's conceptual depiction.

Confession: In my first election, I believe it was the '91 NSW election, as a joke I voted for the Grey party. I thought the nice old duffers needed some support as they fought for greater rights for wrinklies. I found out a little later that thanks to the arcane nature of the Upper House pretty much all those votes flowed to ... Fred Nile.

I felt as angry as one of those Florida Retirees who accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan costing Gore the election.

Which is why I always vote below the line, even if it takes me 20 frickin' minutes with a tiny lead pencil.

Downer having a massive tanty on Lateline

"I know Mr Rudd has been running around saying he's won the election already! What a beastly rotter. Let's raid his dorm and short sheet his bed and eat all his tuck!"

"Also, if he has any sexy undies, I call baggsies".

Super sexy cat fight on the front bench

The High Court, Canberra; The High Court was the scene of even greater drama than The Castle when a disagreement between two sitting judges blew up into an all out brawl, culminating in a fall-in-pool scrag fight.

'Justice Susan Kiefel disagreed with Justice Susan Crennan's views during a case,' said Justice Michael Kirby excitedly, having left the high court pool where the fight took place to call for everyone to come watch.

Left: Justice Crennan

'Then as she was walking past the pool, Crennan
stood on Kiefel's robe, causing her to jerk back. Kiefel turned and accused Crennan of doing it deliberately. Crennan stood up and said "see Mckonth V Commonwealth", referring to a case where whether a criminal action was intentional or not was essential to the outcome, which got Kiefel really fired up.'

Justice Kirby said that Kieful then slapped Crennan so hard that it knocked the justice's wig askew.

'Well, it was on for young and old. Pulling, scratching, biting then ... into the pool!' said the Justice with a dramatic flourish. 'I can see why you hetro fellows find it so exciting!"

The women continued to claw at each other, their wigs bobbing in the disturbed water like two elderly deflated hamsters, until Justices Gummow and Hayne leapt in and separated the sexy combatants.

'I will destroy you,' cried Crennan. 'You'll never get your hands on Carrington's oil money!'

The dripping ladies, their black robes clinging to their surprisingly lithe frames, were then escorted to Chief Justice Gleeson's chambers for a thorough debriefing on the issue.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Is the NooNoo Sarlacc?

Ah the Sarlacc, the vagina with teeth from Return of the Jedi.

Anyway, whilst feeding theBoy with a bottle, sometimes I can see the last of the dregs going into his mouth. The teat is mostly transparent.

This is the view I get.

It's quite creepy.

On a side note NooNoo (current parental shorthand for theBoy) has an Uncle whose pre-Ozzer origin is India.

According to Uncle P, Noo Noo in one of the subcontinent languages means Penis.

So he's got that going for him.

Go TheWife

TheWife is an utter champion. She's been looking after theboy, looking after me (while working at home), and wrangling her parents while they are visiting. And now she has a cold and still battling on. She's even been doing my chores while I've been trying to get these reports done.

So anyway, kudos to TheWife. A true champion.