Thursday, August 09, 2007

Meet theBoy

Well after five years of trying, theWife and I succeeded in birthing ourselves a baby.

theBoy arrived via a semi-emergency C-section late last night after theWife's labour wasn't progressing as speedily as hoped for. He's a small baby due to late term complications but he should flesh out in the next few weeks to normal size.

theWife is a bit sore but dealing well with post birthing. She even managed to walk around a bit this pm after getting sliced above her pubis less than 12 hours before.

He had to go in one of those humidicrib things but will be let out soon. And he will prob be in his new home soon.

However from the top of my head, here's some fleeting highlighted memories and advice RE IVF pregnancy and birthing a baby.

A) Ultrasound jelly is nontoxic. It tastes purple.
B) When driving your baggie of fresh jizz to the clinic note they actually allow an hour to get it to them. They say half an hour so you don't dawdle. On more than one occasion I ran a red light, a fresh cup'o'creamyme in my top pocket, and indeed fish tailed around corners to get it there (since I refused to beat off at the clinic ... whose magazines a friend wryly noted, included a Golf mag).
C) Hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time is kewl. You can fully create doosh doosh music to it.
D) When meeting your obstetrician for the first time don't say 'if theWife has to go under can you like add stuff like gills?' then make flapping motions at the side of your neck whilst gulping like a goldfish. He will think you're a fuckwit.
E) Holy fucking shit we're parents. That just blows my mind.

Oh, this is me wearing scrubs. The largest set they had. They were so tight I couldn't wear a shirt underneath. It looks like the sprayed on costume belonging to a super-villain known only as "The Surgeon".


  1. Oh also, "It tastes purple". That is a very Ralph Wiggum comment. I like it.

  2. Holy shit! I thought I read your blog enough to know stuff like this was happening. Or haven't you written about it?

    Huge congratulations regardless.

  3. Congratulations.

    So what does purple taste like? Can't say I've ever thought of ultrasound jelly as a food item.

    And whats wrong with having a golf mag at the clinic? I know people who've had golf as their religion, so golf as a sexual fetish is not that much of a stretch. (come to think of it, someone, somewhere gets off on just about anything you can think of).

  4. He hasn't written about it... apart from the 'trying' part involving careening around with various quantities of fresh semen :P

    CONGRATULATIONS to you and TheWife!!

    Awesome... I'm sure you'll be great parents :D

  5. Excellent work Comrade! I look forward to using this new member of the proletariat to pad our numbers at workers' rallies. Can I suggest some names? Karl, Vladimir, Fidel...

  6. Hey HM,

    Congratulations on your new addition.


    I don't have one from Australia yet.


  7. Congratulations :o)

  8. Holy crikey McWoah!!! You're breeding now?!

    That's awesome! We need little Mini-Mikeys! Mucho gratz!

    (Although, I'll assume this had nothing to do with any requests from the treasurer..)

  9. Congratulations! I'm very happy to hear that mum and baby are doing well. Pity dad is eating ultrasound jelly though this is an improvement to eating placenta me thinks.

    Enjoy the wonderful experience of parenting.

  10. congratulations Mr & Mrs HM! Fantastic news.

  11. Aw thanks guys. You're all so sweet. Yeah apologies for not discussing preggo stuff. I have to fully admit to some magical thinking on my part and not wanting to go the jinx. I hated the idea of waxing wondrous about incoming babe only to have to write about how he wasn't able to make it in the worst case scenario.

    For the record we had I think 6 insemination attempts and 1 full found of IVF. We were so lucky to get IVF working first go. TheWife had 8 eggs collected and only one embryo was viable when it went in. It was esp freaky because when theWife conceived there were five other people in the room.

    All in all all power to theWife. The injections, the monitoring of blood sugar, the exercise, the fretting, all of it. And she came through in the end, and so did theBoy.

    I am super proud of both of them.

  12. That's 'round' of IVF. Not found.

    I had typos.

    Damn it!

  13. I'm a bit of a late comer.

    Congratulations HM!!!! What a cuty.

    I'll keep in mind your advice about not mimicking a goldfish, though it is tempting.

    Congrats again.

  14. Hey Mikey!

    Congrats to you and the wife and the new addition to the family.

    He's a cute little fella.

  15. Congratulations, to you and your wife, Mikey. I am very happy for all three of you. I'm sure you'll make a great father.


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