Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Andrews releases more sexy chat

Canberra, Australia: Kevin Andrews, voted sexiest man in Cabinet, much to the chagrin of the testosterone pumped Tony Abbot, today released further information obtained in regards to Dr Haneef that the minister used when deciding to withdraw the Indian medico's visa on character grounds - despite the fact this power has only been used to date following a conviction in a court of law.

'It appears that in the days before the Glasgow attack that Dr Haneef received an email from persons unknown, saying they had it on good authority that there would be a terrorist incident,' said the Minister.

'The unknown person received this information from a friend who happened to be in Glasgow when the bloke in front of him at a shopping queue, an Arab in full costume, dropped his wallet on the floor. The friend apparently picked it up and tapped him on the shoulder to return it. The Arab gentleman was very grateful, opened his wallet and pulled out several £50 notes. “Here,” he said. “You must have a reward for your honesty.”

'When the friend of the unknown suspect in contact with Dr Haneef declined the cash, the Arab leaned towards him and whispered: “Well you must allow me to do something for you. Stay out of Glasgow on June 30.” And with that the unknown person's friend reported the Arab was gone.

'Needless to say this information is fairly damning. You have Dr Haneef declaring on a very soft interview on 60 minutes that he would report those he knew in a plot, yet this email proves he had direct knowledge of an impending incident and failed to act. An incident involving his cousin.'

The minister then mocked the ALP stance on calling for an inquiry into the way all organs of national government worked in regards to the Haneef case, labeling it 'a sop to terrorists and/or inner city leftists who, as we know, would rather a bomb go off in Sydney than to retard any form of civil liberties.'

NOTE: This is a satirical post. Except the last point which is loose adaptation of what Andrews said on Jones' show; 'We are dealing with serious security issues, Alan. And that’s why I had to look at, in making my decision which was, as you say, not convicting someone beyond reasonable doubt, but whether or not I had a reasonable suspicion on character grounds that was an association with people that have been alleged, and in once case now charged, with a terrorism offence in the UK. You know, sometimes when I listen to the critics I wonder whether people want a bomb to go off in Sydney before they’ll actually do something.'

Yeah we all want a bomb to go off before civil liberties are curtailed. We want a strong intelligence and law enforcement body that has a balance of laws to do its job but not fuck people over in the first place. We want a government that uses its national security policy to protect Australians, not as a defacto arm of its re-election strategy and in doing so develop policies which actually encourage terrorism against Australians and our interests.

UPDATE: Some Arab Australians have unfortunately taken advantage of this hysteria. And they should be ashamed of themselves!


  1. I was going to say, it's not much of a satire when the government's stance is pretty much as described, i.e. a big 'fuck you' to all the rights and freedoms we *thought* we had.

  2. But it plays well. Seven's Sunrise is a good finger on the pulse of the swing/affluent seeking voter. They polled this morning at 84% not wanting to let Haneef back in. 84%! Unbelievable.


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