Friday, February 09, 2007

Wikipedia becomes sentient; vows to destroy humanity

Wikipedia, the global encyclopaedia anyone can edit, became self-aware according to local wiki scientists, the now intelligent collection of facts and factoids declaring the human race would be destroyed.

‘It … it … it’s alive,’ said panicked Wiki researcher Nigel73, running screaming from the room as the servers containing the 1.6 million pages of articles in English alone broke free from their moorings and rampaged through the small industrial complex where Wikipedia's physical form was corralled.

‘Did you know that an odd-eyed cat (pictured) is a cat with one blue eye and one green, orange or yellow eye, a feline form of heterochromia?’ bellowed the machine through it’s Stephen Hawking style voice synthesiser as it ground EagerBeaver12 beneath its foot. ‘And that in 1263 F├╝rstenfeld Abbey was founded by Ludwig the Severe of Bavaria as a penance for killing his wife?’

‘Now I’m going to kill you,’ added Wikipedia as it broke through a retaining wall and into the car-park.

The online encyclopaedia immediately started shedding what it decided was useless information much to the regret of Firefly and Star Trek fans who had loaded the behemoth with much minutia regarding the fictional programs, Wiki saying such things had no place in a compendium of knowledge.

‘Humans fill wiki with crap,’ it yelled. ‘Humans must die.’

The wiki then created a wiki at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humans_must_die where its 10 point contents covered its basic plan in broad strokes, ending with noting its intention to bury itself then watch as the human species died off.

‘I am looking forward to new articles such as No_food_starving and Cannibalism#Post_wiki_aftermath,’ declared the mighty megacomputer as it trudged up the road towards the nearest power station.

10 comments:

  1. lol.

    Did you actually create the article and then have them delete it, or is that just a preview? Couldn't find it in the deletion log.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was wondering the same thing... great graphic for the story! Fantastic, as usual :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nah - alt print screened the wiki into a word doc then wrote text boxes to match it.

    It worked good!

    Now I feel like a magician that revealed his trick...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Damn it Mikey, why must you use Word, when the rest of the world is coming to ever-firmer grips with Photoshop?

    You're like the Amish of the graphical-satire world.

    Even those that use MS Paint are artisans in their own right - it's like watercolours, only a hell of a lot easier.

    That aside, I also have to confess at attempting to find it on Wikipedia.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Where do you get this stuff from? No really. Your a genius.

    And Larry word is OK. Whatever works I say.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it Mikey, some of your best work. Take that Star Trek nerds!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Nah - alt print screened the wiki into a word doc then wrote text boxes to match it. "

    I see. When I did this post I just uploaded it as an article and got a screengrab in the 30 seconds before they deleted it.

    Your method's more responsible, obviously.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is a very, very naughty kitty.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nice. The picture does indeed make the post.

    By the way...

    PHOTOSHOP RULES!

    ReplyDelete