The offer by right-wing American thinktank American Enterprise Institute (AEI) of $US10,000 ($A12,940) to scientists and economists to dispute a climate change report released by the UN's top scientific panel has caused a stampede not seen since the Klondike gold rush of the late 19th century.
‘Yee-haw, there’s cash in them thar confusing the climate issue with skewed data or deliberate manipulation of statistic measurements,’ said Pete “Gummy” Mickelbuy, longtime climate change sceptic and amatuer weather sleuth.
Left: "Gummy" - to seek fortune in climate change denial funding
“Gummy”, together with his mule Bess, planned to strike out for the hills with barometers, rain catching devices, ice core drillers, tree trunk ring identifiers and a whole host of other weather measuring paraphenalia in order to claim him some of that sweet dough-ray-me.
‘I reackon we’ll strike it rich with data that proves this modelling is inaccurate or misleading in some such way, and we’ll be back to the claim’s office [the AEI] quicker than you can scare a jack rabbit away from nibbling in your flour sack.’
The generous offer by the institute, funded by oil giant ExxonMobil, has caused a run on weather based scientific apparatus, causing would be climate scientists and sceptics to fume at naked profiteering.
‘Can you believe they charge $100 for a simple gauge that I could ordinarially purchase in Melbourne for $20,’ fumed a prospector who wanted to only be known as Andrew B.
‘It’s a leftist plot I tell you,’ added the well dressed pelvically rubbery climate scientist who then led his pack-kangaroo ‘Matilda’ deep into the wilderness armed only with basic tools, a favourites weblink list to other climate sceptic websites who uncritically quote information solely from right wing petro doller backed thinktanks like the AEI, and a tattered but much thumbed copy of Michael Crichton’s ‘State of Fear.’
Other would be claimants of this bounty included an aristocratic Englishman known as Mr Puzzle, who said his experience at crafting fiendishly difficult cyphers would clearly stand him in good stead to be the first to gain the oil laced riches.
‘It’s just like taking a model aeroplane and using your knowledge to build a working real plane,’ said the elegant toff.
‘I don’t reackon his sort will last long out in the hills,’ said “Gummy”, his eyes glinting as he padded his pick axe slowly against his hand. ‘No sir-ee.’