Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Blasts from the Past wow Dancing with the Stars Audience

Dancing with the Stars, the Channel 7 show designed around fading and faded C listers from the Seven stable, has taken a shock new route in an effort to win ratings in the form of surprise dance partners for their selected celebs. Surprise partners who were big figures in the celeb’s lives from the recent and not so recent past.

‘We’ve shamelessly lifted elements of This Is Your Life,’ said an unnamed producer, adding that legally they had not lifted any elements whatsoever.

‘People love to see the little people that the big people stand on. Presumably their shoulders. Those that were in fact the wind beneath their wings.’

The wing lifters, as they affectionately are called have already proven a big hit with the dedicated Dancing audience, and none more than the one for Naomi Robson, former ‘Mmmmmmmmm’ hostess of Seven’s Old-Kent-Road-to-ACA’s-Whitechapel.

‘When we reversed her make-up Winnebago into the studio there wasn’t a dry eye in the house,’ gushed the producer. ‘That beep-beep-beep-beep resonated deep with Naomi, more than a little sorcerous cannibal boy ever could.’

The Winnebago was credited with several key moments in Robson’s TT career, supplying a ready source of khaki death wear and plastic animals that could adorn the fashionable presenter the moment the van was sent near anything within snifters of a celeb’s passing, as well has the necessary tools of Naomi’s trade for inspiring grieving miner families to talk courtesy of her fine looks, and aiding in her performance of “noddies” back to camera when the targets had left.

‘Not to mention the Winnebago had that hyperbaric germ free chamber Naomi “rested” in between takes,’ said the producer, Robson alleged to have claimed it preserved her legendary looks by sealing her off from exposure to age producing pressures, chemicals, and importantly disease.

‘Naomi unfortunately has never been vaccinated,’ said the producer. ‘We ran so many scare stories on TT that the idea of potentially suffering a minor adverse reaction to a vaccine as opposed to the traditionally far more dangerous and fatal consequences of catching the actual illness was enough to put her off for life.’

Left: Robson emerges from Hyperbaric Chamber

The producer said that the harness they used to strap Naomi to the front grill of the Winnebago proved a challenge as far as dance steps were concerned, with Robson unfortunately relegated to the one position of a reverse star jump.

‘However be that as it may I don’t think anyone has ever seen, or will see, a dance partnership like “Winnie” and Naomi. And I believe it’s the first time we’ve ever been able to mount a camera inside a contestant’s partner – which is why we're leading all our promos with that dashboard cam shot of Naomi’s face mushed up against the windshield.’

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