Karl Rove, Deputy Chief of Staff and reputed guardian of President George Bush’s brain, and lovingly named after a flower that grazes the leavings of mighty Texan steers on the prairie has had a name change following the poor showing of the Republicans in the recent mid term elections.
‘Karl was known as Turd Blossom because he could turn shit into something that produced beauty,’ said an unnamed staffer. ‘Or because he flung shit around – for example inferring a judge in an opposing race was a pederast – but still managed to have his candidate smelling like a flower.’
Left: Blossom, Turd Blossom. Licenced to blow chunks.
Unfortunately for Rove his and other strategists plan of fostering a sense of dread and fear in the citizens and encouraging people with unnaturally small brains to lurch out of their misogynistic bigot mobiles and shamble towards the booths in the manner of zombie plague carriers to vote against ‘terrorists’ (AKA Democrats) and gays declaring their love and being legally recognised backfired.
‘The media love Rove,’ said the staffer. ‘Because they have to be able to resile the fact someone as moronic as Bush can be president – still – and that people vote for him. Therefore there has to be a genius at work, someone who can ensure that in a system of voluntary voting only special interests get their niche demographic out to vote. Trouble for Rove was the bulk of the non niche people – for example those that believe the earth may be a tad older than 6000 years – thought different.’
President Bush, unable to escape reality, expressed disappointment in the result especially since no one had the balls to tell him until they came in that they were in for a paddling so great it made his initiation in the to Skull and Bones look like a light corrective tap applied with loving care to a screaming four year old.
‘Fact is Karl uses fear to drive people to the polls. Fear of gays, fear of terrorists, fear of liberals, fear of socialists, fear, fear, fear. There’s no ‘morning in America’ like what Reagan went for. Just death in America. Well, fact is that the remainder of Bush’s term is essentially the political equivalent of being put in a nursing home, since he will have to deal with others that will make large chunks of his decisions for him.’
President Bush was last seen taking Karl for a ‘drive’ down a lonely forest road, the Deputy Chief of Staff with his head out the window, tongue lolling as he enjoyed spending some alone time with his master…
For an awesome analysis on the Media and Rove's loss see here.