Thursday, November 30, 2006

Mongo Emperor let down by flaw in nameplate at Evil Gathering

Emperor God King of Mongo, Ming the Merciless, was badly zinged due to an inaccurate nameplate at a recent Conference for Galactic Evil, which led to the balding, goatee clad dictator’s being unmercifully teased by other attending interstellar warlords.

‘Baw, haw, haw,’ had thundered Karnak the slaver, who has enslaved over a billion sophonts from across the galaxy selling them as forced labour on hundreds of worlds. ‘Tell me Ming, is that facial fuzz you sport indicative of your own womanly thatch?’

Left: Ming, pilloried for error-laced nameplate

Ming, with the nameplate facing out from him, was unaware of the seed of Karnak’s jest and simply took the comment as being representative of a failing mental state of the brutal slaver, a condition Ming inferred by waggling one elegantly gloved (made form the skin of a she-leopard from Barin’s forest realm) finger round and round next to his ear.


But as the conference got underway Ming again received numerous ribbing attempts from all manner of evil and twisted mega-villain, such as the Robot Cyborg Android Doctor Metalflesh, and Phut-Kak-Kak, alien-hybrid lizard fiend of the planet Neblos four, both of which implied that Ming was in possession of womanly genitalia.

‘Your penis does not compute,’ had intoned Metalflesh in his lifeless Stephen Hawking-esq voice upon reading the nameplate, earning a hearty clang of a back slap from Phut-Kak-Kak, who himself proceeded to ask Ming where in fact the pig had bitten him.

Ming had been wounded in a melee with Boaragas, last surviving barbarous boarman of the pig-planet Swiine who, when brought before Ming to die in combat in the Mongo ruler’s arena broke free from his bonds and sought to kill the God Emperor. Thinking this referred to that incident Ming proceeded to roll up his expansive wizard sleeve to show the healing flesh and recount the events of that day causing yet another roar of laughter to break across the conference room.

‘I don’t have to take this shit,’ yelled Ming, who swept from the room, knocking the offending nameplate from the table with his over-robe.

In anticipation of Ming’s return appearance at next year’s conference, the remaining scum and villainy then unanimously approved a motion to have made, then wear, T-Shirts commemorating the delightful mistake.

Left: Doctor Metalflesh road tests hilarious Ming teasing T-Shirt

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