Monday, June 19, 2006

Tales of Buckwheat

As you know I have a baby with the one eyebrow in my office. My nemisis. A rival. A foe.

Left: Baby Gerald

Well, not really. She just annoys me because she's an ignorant bigot that talks shit.

Wait, is that tautology? No, some bigots are educated. Look at Windshuttle - he's got degrees and everything. That's my opinion by the way, feel free to disagree. I still think he's a bigot.


Hey HM, any idiot can get a degree or other qualifications. You got like nearly three all up and you're a moonbat according to some wingnuts out there. And we know how dangerously loony such folk are. And it's likely you have a small penis and girls laugh at you too.

Okay - good point. Moving on.

Buckwheat got her promotion without interview. I expected as much - I knew it was going to happen. And I really can't complain since I got both of my jobs on application only. Of course the difference is I wrote my applications and deserved the jobs. I'm not sure who wrote hers. I seriously doubt she did. She intimated as much when I asked her.

I was annoyed but got over it 'cause there's no use getting mad over someone getting a job that way in the public service. Otherwise your head would explode in a shower of bloody brain froth.

What has annoyed me however is my coming back to work after a day off on Friday sick with the flu to discover the workmen had been in to move work stations around.

The end result is that Buckwheat is !*$%#*$#(!@ now on the other side of my work station wall!

Arrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. She's so fucking loud and never shuts the fuck up. And her irritating drivel drives me to distraction. She doesn't get the social cues that most of us know when we're being asked to go away such as use of words like 'I'm a bit busy right now' or backing away from her like she was a rattlesnake.

Today it was "Aw I saw a movie last night, China Moon. It was a bit racy. It was about [cue incredibly long recount of plot]"

This is the same woman that complained about my heavy typing being 'loud and irritating'. Least I don't spend all day wasting valuable oxygen that beavers and other woodland creatures could use.

I'm just going to go spare. I can feel it. I can totally feel it. I'm going to have to go on corridor circuits just to let off steam at being so close. She really is a fucked in the head total and utter waste of space and energy. She does less work than I do, but hey at least I'm fucking productive and produce things. I may not be Mr Super-work but I get my work done and produce a pretty good product. All she produces is poo poos and wee wees and carbon dioxide - carbon dioxide that is exhaled in the process of ensuring loud and annoying nonsense crap is burbling out her pie hole.

Hate - Hate - Hate - Seethe - Hate

Look - I am not a great person. In fact I am a bad person. I wouldn't trust me with money, passed out people while I have access to shaving cream and bowls of warm water, vulnerable attractive women, small children, treasured heirlooms, cooked mince, your bathroom cabinet ("so a tube of that eh?"), your car (speed bumps at 80!), explosives (failed the tafe course), your books that I am interested in, and a whole host of other well liked object de yours.

But, while all that may be the case I at least don't faff on about wankery in a loud and obnoxious manner and offend everyone in earshot.

After-all, I have a blog at blogspot for that...

17 comments:

  1. Mikey may I suggest that you take up Yoga ? It seems like you could do with the meditation.
    Hate is so unproductive mate ...

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  2. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

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  3. no fire arms at work mikey!!!!

    and mikey i've just read an ineresting post at bruces about a well know blog stalker ahem cough iain ahem cough ahem hall. well its now left the blogoshpere, a bit like when agent smith left the matrix really.
    check it out
    http://bruceraverant.blogspot.com/

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  4. Now I'm no expert on managerial skills, but I would hazard a guess that Buckwheat's personality traits have not gone unnoticed by those upstairs, and you are simply being punished, or coerced to resign. (Quite plausible where employees are difficult to dismiss on a whim.)

    If this is the case, and you snap or leave, the Buckwits win. Don't let the Buckwits win, Mikey! Be strong!

    Or get one of those inflatable punching bags, the ones where you fill the base with water - and smack away.

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  5. Ooooo inflatable punching bag.

    I like the sound of that. Especially one with a psycho clown laugh that giggles everytime when it pops back up.

    That's the good oil.

    Today her keyboard plug dropped out. Instead o moving the box to put it back in she walked around the back. Yep - walked. On top of her work station. I looked up and there she was like a fucking fucked up giant.

    Maybe this is a test...

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  6. http://flamewarchronicle.blogspot.com/

    Mikey
    I don't need to involve you in my stoush with Bruce but as Not allright seems intent on propergating Bruce's asertion that I am "stalking" Him. I feel duty bound to propergate my side of the story ,namely that Bruce , the poor dear does not like my critisim of his polemic.
    feel free to hear my side of the argument ,or not as you please .
    Best wishes
    Iain

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  7. hey! iain is english! he can spell it however he damn well wants. it's us wogs and colonials that need to stop clinging to agreed upon spellings and "grammar". you might to meekly appease islamonazipastagrammarians and the "majority" spelling conventions, but just you wait till you're wearing a hijab. sometimes intelligibility must take second place to neurotic urgency. civilisation is at stake.

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  8. islamonazipastagrammarians eh?

    Are their bomb belts filled with raviolli?

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  9. Is Iain actually beginning to scare anyone, or is it just me?

    A 10-post blog that reaches 56 pages (and with a small font no less) based on a blogger-dispute - is tad beyond obsessive.

    Iain, heed any suggestion from those close to you about seeking help. This is not normal.

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  10. that's the internet, taking you into the hut of every prospective unabomber...

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  11. Hey HM, any idiot can get a degree or other qualifications. You got like nearly three all up and you're a moonbat according to some wingnuts out there. And we know how dangerously loony such folk are. And it's likely you have a small penis and girls laugh at you too.

    Oh, shit, I think I made the wrong choice of countries to go to ...

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  12. it's us wogs and colonials that need to stop clinging to agreed upon spellings and "grammar".

    Gam, you'll be willing to help me argue my case for this with my instructors, right? :)

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  13. Oh, shit, I think I made the wrong choice of countries to go to ...

    Nah ya didn't. It's all good. We love academics down here mate. They make great waiting staff.

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  14. A 10-post blog that reaches 56 pages (and with a small font no less) based on a blogger-dispute - is tad beyond obsessive.

    Yeah Iain did the same to me in microscale from our last HM located head butt. Passions were enflamed, it got out of hand, but we've simmered I think to a reasonable point.

    I don't agree with his politics, and I think his Libertarian views are whacked. But at the end of the day he's a smart bloke and his views are worth listening too. Even if I think they're wrong.

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  15. he is not a libertarian.

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  16. HM, you should consider requesting that your workstation be moved to, ooh, the far end of the room. Or something. Make up any bullshit reason; you're under an air-con vent or you're not, near the window or far, whatever. Make a request. See the OH&S rep. Get away. Being adjacent to this character is clearly not good for you.

    I always thought 'moonbats' were American Democrats. I guess that's just because it's a Yank expression like 'wingnut'. Now I think about it, it's not about party affiliation as much as it is about position on that arbitrary left-right political spectrum. I suppose that would make me a 'wingnut'.

    She fails to take polite subtle hints eh? Learn to change your behaviour so that it works. Try "I need to concentrate on this, so please leave me alone for awhile." If that fails, try "Please leave me alone, I am trying to work." Try repeating the same phrase over and over until she gets the message that this is all you will say until she goes away.

    You totally need to stop getting so angry about this. I know she shits you, but you've got to find a way either to stop noticing her or to deal with the anger. I'm worried it's bad for you.

    Can you wear earphones in the office, like from an iPod? Music might drown her out.

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