Monday, June 12, 2006

Celebrities Eat - shock NW Special

Celebrities have been seen eating foot and doing normal things like people do according to New Weekly, prized Ozzie mag journal that makes sure celebrities are punished for their fame with grainy photos of them up to no good or in out in public.

'Can you fucking believe that Kirstie Alley went to a fast food place like 82% of westerners do at least once a week!?!' shrieked the outraged magazine. 'What a fatty!'

Care was made to point out her dirty clothing and the fact she had a double chin, like hundreds of millions of other westerners.

'How dare she eat fast food and not be dripping in diamonds,' declared the magazine, who were busy making up almost 100% of their copy by using an excel spreadsheet random function to link famous people with their vices. 'This lardo needs to pay.'

New Weekly writers and other staff rejected however any considerations that they should post photos of themselves shopping, eating, putting out the bins or any other normal human activity on the grounds of privacy.

'We are not public figures,' huffed Amy of the NW-ettes. 'Therefore we're free to make any old shit up about famous people and not subject ourselves to the same treatment.'

Harrangueman said wouldn't it be great if celebrities hired detectives to investigate the lives of and take photos of tabloid staff then post it on a website for the entire world to read as payback for all the dribble poo that froths out of the bile laced presses of yellow screamsheet lie factories.

'Seriously, the celebs pony up some thousands of bucks to a conglomorate and nominate those magazines that have stuck it to them time and time again to the point that marriages they were always declaring in trouble became in trouble, not to mention other private things like miscarriages or fights or drinking a fucking milkshake for some own back treatment.'

A good start would be the crew of New Weekly, in all their rich celulite, listing information from 'close pals' who knew which staffer had sex with another staffer's boyf, who got what veneral disease when they were in college, in addition to raiding their garbage and having photos of them porking on fast food like the rest of us.

'Let's just see how Amy's marriage to Jimmy and their parenting of Max suffers when their spats and other personal stuff gets splashed across the web - like for example if young Max has a tanty in the supermarket and a mpeg of Amy losing it in the chocolate aisle becomes available for a podcast download.'

2 comments:

  1. As I do the shopping for our household I have to consider the gossip mags every time I go through the checkouts, talk about much ado about nothing.
    Witty post by the way the Celebes that amaze me are ones that are famous for bring famous ....

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  2. Yeah I got the flick through. Then I get mad and all steamed by their bullshit. Much the same way whenever I see Bolt, Akerman, and Jones on the TV peddling their shit.

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