Sunday, February 12, 2006

Now I've won the UK Lottery the first thing I am going to buy is ...

... one of those penis enhancers that can apparently make my erections like steel.

Perhaps my most favourite one is the pill that promises to increase my seminal fluid. Now, going through fertility issues I can see how this might actually have some applicability. But it's advertised more as an enhancement as opposed to anything medical.

So, Spammers, I have to ask. Why? Why would I want to increase my seminal fluid? And even if I did, and for the life of me I can't see why that is arousing, why would I do so on the basis of an unsolicted email?

I mean for fuck's sake. Why do they try the whole 'I got your name from a trusted source' crap, or 'I am related to X who died in (insert African Country here), who had (insert 10.5 to 20.5 averaging 16.5 million US) hidden in a bank account' bullshit? I mean what do these people think about ? Do they think it's acceptable to lure stupid fat westerners over to 'fuckyouinthearseabat', rob them, possibly sodomise them, then leave them naked and pale like a bloated albino whale by the side of the road?

I guess quite possibly.

At work I get these all the fucking time. About 30 odd a day. Either 'my uncle was a dead dictator' or 'I hear you've got cock droop let me help'. A couple of times I wrote back to these fuckwits and asked them to send me money to open a bank account, or ask them why if they were in a refugee camp they were using a .fr email address ("please good sir, the peace keepers have set up an internet cafe"). You fucking leeches .

Yes, I am aware that as an 8%'er in this world I have access to good government, ideal living conditions, and a support network of family and social services unparralelled in human history, while their social security system consists of nothing at all. But it still irks me they think its acceptable to prey on others with their spam bullshit and think somehow that they are not scum wads that are desperately in need of being run down by a 1950's yellow fuck off bulldozer with extra thick treads.

Any tips out there to 'two fingers' the Coite de Ivory spammers and their fellow African associates? I'd like to hear it.


  1. they are annoying and thatis why you have the "block sender" option in your mail program

  2. I tend to just ignore them. My brother takes a perverse pleasure in collecting all sorts of examples of these emails, so he's always happy to get one.

    Here's a site about some people who take revenge on the scammers:

    Warning: not entirely safe from work, so browse from home!

  3. if you dont know what the big load is all bout mikey you need to check out more of peter north.

    its all about show like a very large penis a very large load doesn;t really impress the ladies but your mates will be impressed.

    but if you're not into gang bangs or havin sex with the missus in public or have a porn career then it's pretty much useless.

    and just cause you may shoot a whole lotta goo dont mean that there's any tadpoles swimming in it

  4. It's true on the block sender. Except of course for the botized email addresses that get hijacked to tell me how small my penis is.

  5. That website is friggin' hilarious.

  6. If you're seriously interested in giving 419 scammers the finger, visit Scam O Rama - The Lads From Lagos. The site contributors have dedicated a fair bit of time and effort to fooling the scammers.

    Many scammers nowadays aren't in Africa, let alone Nigeria. Apart from the multitude of variations on the whole "I have $20 mill, I'll let you have a big fat slice if you give me your bank account details" schtick, there's the "You have won the lottery (even though you didn't enter), we'll send you the case when you pay a small administrative fee/give us your bank account details" scam and the ever popular "You bid on item x I was offering on eBay, but the winner of the auction has pulled out. Want to send me $4,000 through western union?" scam.

    The best revenge that can be taken on these bloodsuckers - that's what they are, professional thieves who pilfer from the credulous (the weakest among us, the naive, the young, the elderly, or the handicapped) - is to publicise their scams so that everyone who uses the 'net learns not to assume that Mariam Abacha is who she says she is.

  7. Alas the one side of exposing their scams is that some 419 scammers have simply cut and pasted from the list of example fraud attempts.

    But it goes with thr territory.

    The saddest thing I heard was how something like 1% of spam recipients actually respond...

  8. It's worse than that. According to this story in The Age a survey by Queensland Police of financial transfers from Queensland to Nigeria over a two month period determined that 24 out of 25 persons spoken to had been the victims of fraud.

    If it's true that 1% of recipients respond, it must be easy to get more than enough responders by mass e-mailing 10,000 or 100,000 messages to addresses harvested from the web or purchased from internet services.

    PT Barnum was wrong: there's more than one born every minute. These days, anyway.


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