Saturday, February 18, 2006

New Weekly - Cultural Poison

Attention Jihadists. Don't get your Burka in a knot over cartoons. Check out New Weekly's work. Of course, no violence please. That's just not Australian (unless you're a whitebred flag wearing Cronulla visiting Australian with a dislike for Tabouli).

New Weekly, my Islamafascist comrades, is far more offensive to humanity as a whole, let alone anything specifically Islam

It is a period stain of a publication that should come with a little cotton string draped in the centre fold like a bookmark in a lectern resting bible.

It consists of purchasing lies from 'pals' and 'insiders' and 'stalking photographers', dressing them up as 'news', then spraying their polluted clotted bile across the newsagents and supermarkets of this country.

Take for instance their Brittney expose. Now I will go on the record as saying I don't like her music. But hell, well done for playing the system to get where you did - especially as a 15 year old. And there's not many people out there that can lay claim to being rendered in cartoon form in certain sado-masochistic porn that's floating around the net (though you need a credit card to actually see all of it ... so I have been told ... by Mort I think).

Anyway, I digress.
Britney recently was featured shock horror with her new babe on her lap, with Briters driving her urban tank away from a carpark. Naturally NW managed to lay hands on the pics and whacked it on the front cover.

'Will they take her baby?' shrieked the goss mag, their outrage at the obviously not fit for motherhood ex clothes on top pole dancer clearly evident.
In fact here's a link to their story on their website - go here.

In fact, don't click on that. Here it is. This way they don't get revenue or something.

Britney risks her baby’s life

Britney Spears has sparked outrage after endangering her five-month-old son’s life by driving her four-wheel drive vehicle at high speed while he sat unrestrained on her lap. The singer is now under investigation by child welfare authorities concerned for baby Sean Preston.

Safety experts say that if Britney had crashed her car, Sean would have been crushed instantly by the vehicle’s airbag.

Police have confirmed that LA’s County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) are looking into the frightening incident to discover what exactly happened.

While police are unable to press charges because they didn’t witness Britney’s actions directly, Deputy Sheriff Mark Winn paid a visit to the star’s Malibu mansion the day after the incident to gather information for the welfare agency.

Children and Family Services will not comment on the matter, but it’s believed the investigation is well under way. Sources say the singer’s reckless actions could place her in danger of being found an unfit mother and losing her son.

Britney has also been slammed by child safety experts around the world, not only for risking her son’s life but for setting a terrible and potentially deadly example to fans.

Noice. Bad Britney. She should be forced to wear a scarlet letter, or, better yet be shoved into stocks and have drivers whip her butt with electrical flex.
Seems a pretty fucking dumb thing to do right? Let's see if we can shed light on this.

I made a mistake: Britney

February 10, 2006 - 10:32AM

Britney Spears with her husband Kevin Federline at a Grammy party on Wednesday.

Britney Spears has taken responsibility - well, some of it - for driving with her baby son, Sean Preston, sitting in her lap.

"I made a mistake and so it is what it is, I guess," Spears tells Access Hollywood in an interview to air today.

Several photos published Tuesday showed Spears driving her sport utility vehicle in Malibu, California, with her four-month-old son perched on her lap rather than strapped into a car seat in the back.

The 24-year-old said she did it because of a "horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi".

In response, X17, the agency that snapped the pictures, said they were taken "in a very peaceful context, in which photographers exhibited no aggressive behaviour".

But Spears said the encounter was worrying.

"Being put in the situation that I was in, it was kind of bad with the paparazzi," Spears says.

"Last week, my mum and I went out and they were on us really bad, so you instinctively do what you need to do."

The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has said it won't pursue any charges.

Sean Preston, who was born in September, is Spears' first child. She is married to Kevin Federline, a former backup dancer.

From the SMH article here

Now, I think we can safely agree that there were in fact paparazzi there. Given NW paid wads of dirty soul destroying cash to whack 'photos of the incident' on their front cover. So, given that, I'm assuming we can pretty much tick the 'why Britney did this horrible thing' under the 'being stalked by fucking arseholes.' box.

Alas, NW failed to do an even basic check of the facts before gibbering in presumably clitorial rubbing delight at their favourite 'let's stick it to trailer trash that made good' celeb good old Briters. Even a fucking first year journo student would have trawled the wire services to make sure there wasn't another angle to this. Of course NW likely went to print before the full account was out, but I'd hazard they would have gone with 'Briters (colon) unfit celebrity mother' thing anyway - since they'd hardly be able to
use those yummy photos of Briters committing alleged child endangerment.

Wait, hang on a second. When a controversial call like this is made, often the editor has some words to defend it. Such as when editorials of late focussed on all that juicy freedom of speech talk when they defended their rights to blast others but still decided against showing those cartoons of Mohamed.

So let's see what Amy, now back from mat leave, iron fisted ruler of the NW domain has to say about this week's edition (link to the words below is here)

Inside the Mag

NW-ettes are well known for their dating disasters, so it’s a real novelty when one of them manages to rope a man into marrying them. Like Katya, one of our fabulous writers, who got married last weekend.

Left: Amy, presumed leader of the NW-ettes

On Monday morning, I was dying to hear all about the big day, so I went over to the writing section to get a rundown from the NW-ettes who went to the wedding. But the only ones there were Mark and Gereurd. And I found out the hard way that if you want details on a wedding, don’t ask a bloke.

“How did Katya look?” I asked excitedly. “She looked good,” Mark replied. Well, that’s a start. “So, what was the dress like?” I asked. “It was white,” Gereurd said.

Hmmm. “Can’t you be more specific?” I asked. “Oh, I don’t know,” huffed Gereurd. “It had beads and s**t all over it.”

And the style? “Well,” Mark replied, “There are only a certain number of dresses that brides can wear – it was one of those.”

I decided to move on. “What were the bridesmaids dresses like?” I asked. “They were blue,” said Gereurd. “But all different colours.” So, to summarise – the bride’s dress was white, had beads and s**t and the bridesmaids wore blue, no, different colours.

Ten minutes later, Brooke – another writer who went to the wedding – arrived at work. “You should’ve seen her – she looked beautiful! The dress was white, and had a gentle A-line with light beading under the bust and she had a veil.” Now that’s more like it!

Amy, I stand corrected...


  1. It is a period stain of a publication that should come with a little cotton string draped in the centre fold like a bookmark in a lectern resting bible.

    Classic. Awesome.

    That pic of NW-ette Amy is making me a little dizzy, what with the slight rotation of the photo and her leaning even further forward. I keep tilting my head to line her up and I keep on going 'round ...

  2. Yeah, it's strangely compelling and I don't know why.

    I think it's because her eyes look like the crazed stare of a girl I once knew...

  3. I saw that NW headline about Brittney. My very first thought was that you couldn't even tell if the car was in motion or not - I wondered if they'd snapped a pic of her parked on the side of the road and just said she was driving.

    Of course, if she's said it was a mistake, I might have been overly suspicious, but I hate all those trashy mags, so I will hang onto my cynicism a little longer.


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