Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Buckwheat Follies

I gotta just share these. As you know I have a colleague I fondly call BW. Solely to screen her name from the world and, since you know not my true life identity, I can say this without fear of libel.

Microwaves. Apparently according to BW Microwaves - they be smelly if left closed. She ran into the kitchenette recently, breathless, to announce she'd done a lap of the floor opening every microwave to purge their odours.

'Why don't they leave them open all the time?' she demanded.

So I tells her. 'Well A) people can run into the door if they don't expect it open and B) there's a large light in there merrily burning away for no reason'

She stood there blinking stupidly unable to comprehend my big forehead logic.

In our now infamous kitchenette we have a boiling hot water tap. It apparently spits out water at around 85 degrees centigrade. BW likes to boil her water in a kettle - to the full 100 thanks - the kettle being less than a foot from the boiling tap. I mean for f_cks sake, does 15 degrees make a f_cking difference? Apparently.

Ooo, this is my favourite. Recently in Oz our navy had cause to fire a shot across the bow of an Indon ship fishing illegally in our waters. Oh what pray tell did BW have to say?

'I think that when they come over in their canoes we should shoot them and send a message not to steal our fish.'

Nazi final solution solutions aside to our territorial waters, I have to ask what does she expect when our northern population is like 300k on a good day, across 3000 km of coastline, and there's 200 million people living on the poverty line a fishing vessel trip down south? Sorry Australia, please you have all that fish. My starving children will be content with rice. Ok - sure that's an exaggeration. Most of them are here with a profit motive. But still, I think the main point is she's insane.

All I can say is she better have lots of bullets. Oh, and that would be a violation of human rights to shoot them out of hand.

Stupid pig ignorant right wing racist bint.


  1. You should let her know that when she leaves the doors open on the microwave ovens, that lets out all the microwaves, and microwaves are worse than asbestos when it comes to causing cancer, herpes, impotence, depression, diabetes, etc.

  2. If we shoot every single illegal fisherman that comes into our waters where are the ones who replace them going to get the message from? Their satellite TV? Not to mention the fact that the wealthy people who own the illegal fishing boats are no doubt sitting in an air-conditioned office somewhere in Jakarta the whole time, and know that there are a million more impoverished fisherman who have families to feed who would willingly replace any we shot...

    And the microwave thing- WTF? Just wait until someone accidentally bumps into one of the doors and breaks it off its hinges.

  3. those fishermen were comin here long before "australia" existed i think its actually quite cheeky we have laws that draconion. maybe a licensing system but a ban is just wrong.

    but maybe those wise sages from your town mikey think those simple little yellow folk can;t learn about sustainable fishin. they should be glad of our genetically superior intelligence helpin them leave fish for their future generations.

  4. BM's not exactly the greatest example of an Australian thinker. So seriously deconstructing her remarks (rather than, as HM does, making them the subject of entertaining satire) is overkill. Have you considered suggesting that, rather than carefully opening the closed microwave ovens, she simply sponges them out with detergent and warm water?

  5. I would recommend the spongeing plan ... for her brain.

    You know what offends me about BW?

    That so many people out there think like she does.

    And I won't risk my groat by saying who she holds in great political esteem...

  6. Fishermen have been travelling from PNG and Indonesia since well before Australia was colonised, yes, but their boats never managed to carry hundreds of tonnes of fish back then. I guess that's the difference. Mind you, I think the whole issue distracts from the greater issue of the methods used by the fishing industry in Australia (probably worse worldwide, but we're helpless on that)- it definitely shouldn't be a question of who gets to pillage which section of the ocean.

  7. It's a big ocean.

    Besides I'm pretty sure that while some methods of fishing are too intensive to support in the long run, we're no slouches when it comes to raping the ocean either.


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