Thursday, November 17, 2005

Vows I made as a kid that I broke

That I would gain superior ninja powers by practicing dilligently throwing my two pronged compass thing from my maths set into a cardboard box target every night.

Gave that up on night two.

That I would stay on the #$&*^()%(* cabbage soup diet until I lost half my body weight.

Dropped out of that on day four

That I would stop masturbating if only God would save my friend from dying in hospital.

Lasted about a week. Which was tough - cause I had only just learned to do it. And trust me, as a guy, when you work out that X+Y= YIPPIE, you were refining your technique every chance you could get. A week turned out to be a very ... long ... time.

Any of you lads got violated vows as bad as that?


  1. When I was 7, I squashed a mosquito that was biting me, but I only half-killed it, so it kind of lay there wriggling pathetically. I silently apologised to it and vowed never to kill another one again.

    Well... I'm not sure how long I lasted before killing one, but nowdays I just knock them out and feed them to our fish.

    On another note, I think it's horrible that kids/teenagers are taught there's something wrong with masturbation... IMO there's something wrong with the people who are anti-masturbation...

  2. That I would gain superior ninja powers by practicing dilligently throwing my two pronged compass thing from my maths set into a cardboard box target every night.

    This reminds me of something my friend Ice Phoenix wrote in his Lj

    He said:
    Someone once told me that I could do anything if I set my mind to it and I spent that entire chirstmas holiday period back at school trying to make my brother's head explode......The phrase "you can do anything if you set your mind to it" is misleading, because you also have to put in the work.

    It is a very interesting read, cause Phoenix calls a spade a spade. See see Here (The one marked To my future kids (Up late with Matthew Knight) for the full entry.

    As a child I vowed to myself that I would be a great parent and let my kids do the things they wanted to do (like join Brownies/Scouts). Now I can see the benefit of saying 'no' as a parent. Looking back I think mine did a pretty good job, and if I can do half as good, then J. should grow up well.

  3. Yeah, but it's different for guys (with masturbation). When girls do it, it's hot. When guys do it, it's sad and pathetic.

    So the good book tells us. Actually, does the bible actually mention masturbation? Not sure.

    The other thing is too when girls do it, not real mess to speak of. When gusy do it, well, there's a bio-hazard issue.

    Anyway, masturbation good. And believe me, if you let yourself get all backed up, it sends guys nutty. Not sure how it goes for girls though. I suppose it depends if you're in a habit (heh, heh - nun joke).

    The poo site was disturbing. I of course am always weirded out about the one that goes through the S bend all by itself.

    Capital Mum - I share your thoughts. All those things I got pissed at my parents about - well - they make sence.

    Turns out I didn't hate them and wish they were dead after-all ! Who would have thought.

    Side note. Did anyone else's relationship with their parents improve dramatically when you were no longer living with them? Mine sure as hell did.

  4. I was gonna say "Sure, the bible mentions masturbation. Ain't ya heard of 'Onanism'?"

    But thanks to the internets, I learn I'm wrong.

    On Onanism

    I was under the impression god would smite you if you had a bit of fun with yourself, but apparently he really reserves his wrath for men who pull out during sex.

  5. Can't recall any vows I broke as a kid ... don't know that I ever had enough motivation to try and vow to do anything, really!

    But the ninja powers thing I understand. I had the cardboard box target but I threw a pocket knife. Pretty stupid, actually. Most of the time, the butt end of the knife would hit the box and it would bounce back at me, pointy end first.

  6. Hey man, thanks for the Onanism link. That I did not know.

    What a bizarre thing. Who would have thought the bible was littered with 2000 year old cultural norms that have no bearing on modern society? Huh, there you have it.

    LOL on the box thing. I think I just myself a view types (or pricked) in the 48 hour window of my supreme Ninjahood.

  7. I can't remember making any vows, but I do remember thinking that it would be a good idea for parents to only give their kids an initial rather than a full name so that the kid could later make a more informed decision for themselves as to what it stood for...


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