Thursday, September 01, 2005

Does the Channel Ten Voiceover Woman get paid $4.95 a minute ?

It may just be me. After-all, I am a guy with an amazing sperm count (despite my shambolic, overweight, Michael Moore esq appearance). But it does sound like the Channel Ten voice over woman is coming on to me. Either that or they've simply hired someone whose previous career involved working at a company whose phone prefix was 0055.

She's got a breathy voice with a real come hither timbre to it. It doesn't matter what she's actually voicing. It could be 'The Tsnumai killed 250,000 people, leaving a trail of devestation across the region', and I'm tugging at my collar and remarking 'is it hot in here or what?'

And there's just a hint. Very slight mind you. Just a hint that she may actually pleasure herself if you watch the program in question.

'As you can see the destruction is complete.'

(ooooh)

'The massive killer wave even washed this ferry three miles inland.'

(ooohhh-yeeeaaahh)

'Only a single barking dog can be seen, haunting the ruins, presumably feeding on the corpses of children and the elderly.'

(yes-yes-yes-yes-yes)

'I aked Muktar if he intended on returning to the sea, to fish as his father did, and his father before that. The simple man bowed his head, placing it in his hands, and wept, saying the sea was now poison to him since it claimed his pregnant wife and baby daughter.'

(f_ckme, f_ckme, f_ckme, f_ckme, f_ckme etc. repeat)

I'm sure she's a classy gal and all. And I bet that behind the voice lurks a genuine beauty. She probably reads books for sick kiddies down at the cancer ward. You can probably even find out which volunteer she is - it's the bed with the bald ten year old pup tenting his sheets.

But sometimes it seems that 'Miss $4.95 a minute, mobiles cost extra', might not be that well suited to advising potential viewers of upcoming disaster epics or breaking tragedy.

Unless, of course, you're into that...

2 comments:

  1. ... Can't say as I'd noticed this ...

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  2. Well you are a woman so I'm guessing your 'sultry femminine voice' senses are not as finely attuned as us guys :)

    Mind you guys are famous for detecting romantic interest when clearly none is intended. It's our universal hope mechanism. It keeps us going even when we have no reason to be hopeful.

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