Sunday, September 04, 2005

Apparently I'm a fat c_nt

In my last post a guest helpfully pointed out that 1) I am overweight, and 2) I resemble the appearance of some kind of a vagina.

In the world of cyberspace it's hard to know how people determine such things but I guess the fact that I volunteered that I was overweight, and I have somewhere lurking here a photo of me in the reverse, cape not with standing, that confirms this fact.

He's not the first person to point this out to me of course. Young men in cars, typically with P plates, like to sometimes yell it at me as they burn past in their vehicle. Not that I'm given a right of redress or anything. But what would I say? I can hardly say I'm not fat (though the irony that I'm walking and they're in a vehicle does not escape me). I suppose I can address the c_nt issue, but how does one prove they are not in fact a c_nt.

I lack all things clitorial of course. And I have limbs, where a c_nt would have some sort of fleshy vulvic flaps. Oh, and the first time someone punched me in the face I didn't have blood shoot out, and nor did my relatives grab my clothes and show the neighbours that I was a good boy and saved myself for that legitimate whack to the head.

So I'm guessing the c_nt reference was in fact a metaphoric reference. Let's see what has to say about it?

c_nt Audio pronunciation of "cunt" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (knt)
n. Vulgar Slang
  1. The female genital organs.
  2. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
    1. Offensive. Used as a disparaging term for a woman.
    2. Used as a disparaging term for a person one dislikes or finds extremely disagreeable.
Ok, so we ruled out the first one.

The second one we can rule out since in cyberspace, and on the verge both, I am not in fact engaged in sexual relations when so referenced (least, not that I can tell, there once was a time in the drain at the scout hall but I'm sure no one called me that then). Also, I don't think I've ever heard point 2 being used to describe sexual intercouse. 'Let's c_nt!', 'I'm going to c_nt your brains out,' 'I can't wait to slide myself into you and commence c_nting.' Does not make sense. Maybe it's one of those 'the kids' things.

Point 3a, I'm not a woman. If I was then it would be a serious worry for the human race, what with my ownership of a penis, lack of breasts and womb, have have you.

So that leaves points 3b. A disparaging term for someone they dislike or find extremely disagreeable.

Oh dear. Well, I can't determine who likes me or not (I try, I like to think of myself as someone who carries themselves well in social interaction). I guess those boys in their car I've never seen roaring past have somehow agreed in those short seconds that I must be somewhat disagreeable and, combined with my hefty build, I am therefore a fat c_nt.

As for my cyber visitor that felt the need to link the terms fat and c_nt together I must have done something extremely disagreeable to them. Perhaps I made fun of them in front of others on another blog? Perhaps I made them feel bad when I questioned their inability to articulate a point of view, or peeled back the vinyl on a poorly conceived argument.

Who knows, because they elected to be anonymous. I guess that's one for the ages.

But, as far as the young men in their speeding machine who have met me for all of two seconds, and my gentle cyber guest, I suppose I must indeed be a fat c_nt to them, since it is their opinion as to whether I am extremely disagreeable.

Gentlemen, I salute you (snaps off snappy salute).

The only reason I allowed anonymous comments was so a friend of mine who was not a blog owner could comment if she so chose. But I do dislike people hiding behind anonymous comments. It cheapens the spirit of discorse. So I am now going to remove that capacity.

Thanks anonymous for ruining it for everyone. You sir are a champion. I bet your mother is very proud of you.

(Note: Originally this was titled He's right, I really am a fat c_nt. Then I realised that I don't consider myself a c_nt so the title is not that accurate. This is much better don't you think?)


  1. You know I am really offended with anyone using the term c_nt as an insult. I find it extremely annoying as a woman that the worst insult someone can level at you is a vulgar term for a piece of female anatomy.
    Being female- I also believe that only women should be able to use the term- they being the only people who indeed have a c_nt.

    Personally I believe that a more intellectual insult would be to call someone an earlobe. why an earlobe- well becasue it serves no purpose except when you pierce it and make it decorative!

  2. LOL !

    I have to admit that I got in the habit of bandying it as a word about town. Less so now.

    So I am not hugely offended.

    Don't wanna be an earlobe either tho...

    Besides, c_nts are kewl. After-all us lads spend most of our efforts in gaining and/or maintaining access to them.

  3. I agree. Our society should place c_nts on pedestals and worship them in the same manner that we seem to idolise all things phallic.

    In a way it makes things much better that you've now blocked all the anonymous comments to your page. At least then we have a chance of seeing someone's profile (like that little twerp Not Anon who doesn't even have his own blog for us to disparage... and in fact doesn't even let us see his/her/its profile any more!)

  4. I agree with the divine Capital_Mum.

    Except for the part about earlobes. They have another purpose, for some people - when they are nibbled on.

    Enough said.

  5. Yeah, I think I would have to put NA in the C-nt cateogory at this stage - assuming he was the one who labeled me so.

    And c_nts should be worshiped. Also, like earlobes, they too can be nibbled on.


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